I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
