she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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