I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize