How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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