i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
