Don't make out with my wife yet
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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