And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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