I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
