Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
