she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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