Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
