Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
