sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize