I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize