My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
