She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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