Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize