i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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