How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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