ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
