you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She's the barista slut.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize