I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
