you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
