you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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