SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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