So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
