a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
