mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
