It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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