the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
