My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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