I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
