soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
