I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
