as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
