people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
