i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
