what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize