He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize