ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
