Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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