whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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