You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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