You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
