i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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