am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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