i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
