There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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