oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
