she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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