i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
