you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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