so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Houston, we have a squirter
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I have post one night stand depression
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
