omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
