bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
