Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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