I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
