I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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