Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
