im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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