I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
