The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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