How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
