my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Randomize
