i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
