If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
