I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
