Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
