woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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